Inside a Very Little Box!

I always been in a small tight box. The ones that know me which are few, know I could have my load crazy side. But for the most part Im really closed in and to myself I can be very difficult to understand. Just because I joke and talk loud at the times doesn't really mean Im outgoing and all over the place. Im much more of a loner a one man band. Never really stuck to one group or even attempt to meet new people. In a crowd filled w millions I don't stick out because of my personality. Can I say that comes from where I grew up or who I sarround myself? Who knows. At times I wish I could be put in any place and just spark up a conversation. When I was much yonger it was easier for me to "go with the flow". In my later years I have noticed it is much harder. I try and break free from this box but I just can't seem to find a way. No interesting subject to bring up or anything I can actually add on. I feel weird and out place in a lot of situations. I make jokes or just smile to make myself or those around me feel a little bit more confterble, in those ackword silent situations. Last night speaking w family someone told me to just let loose and not worry about what does around me think. It's a pretty hard thing to do. Even to speak to those close to me is difficult I.E my mom boyfriend close friends and family. Those that don't really judge me and have excepted me for me. I close myself up by putting some head sets on or just looking really entertained by what's on tv or on my phone. Just so people don't talk much to me. Is a fear of looking stupid or not having enough to say. I try to drink myself to entertaining but even that is becoming a hard task at hand. How do I fallow up on a question or statement? I try and dress different or do things out of the norm to just have something to say. "I like my ripped jeans and shoes because so and so". That is even going so far and isn't helping much. I never really minded being a loner but I noticed I can't stand being a house just by myself. My mind is my worst enemy because I think and over analizy way to much. I guess I haven't really figure out who I am and what is it that I really want from life. Maybe exceptance is key and really haven't done that within me. Im getting tired of lying to myself and others. I try and look for that in ways that are not healthy for me. That is why probebly life has been in a constent repeat for me. Same type of friends and lovers.

The 4 Letter Word That Starts w L

LOVE | LIFE

I just finished watching the movie "The Ugly Truth" very good movie good laughs and also hits right on the bulls eye about a lot of things in general. The leading actress says in part how men aren't how the story books say they are since you are young. Which is a very known fact because most of those stories are fiction. We are brought up in a society which portrays that LOVE brings your life happiness, not just any love but love from a partner. Slowly it then turned into not just love but sex is also what you need in your life to be normal. If you don't have a big penis and can fuck for more then an hour you are not a man. And if you don't have big tits and can have multiple orgasm your not a woman. Then we wonder why STD's are in a high and divorce and pregnancy is so common now in days. Young kids watch movies and think this is the way that everyone else is living their lives out their.

Now my question is why is that once you "fall in love" is when you get hurt? When not even love just like someone. Well that's another thing we made it seem like we are suppose to be with one person are whole life but it has been proven we come from apes which are animals who then do not have just one mate. So why is it so wrong to be with other people. I think I know because since you where little you seen in movies the women cry when she got cheated on. So growing up you where made to think that your significant other should not lust for another human-being. I guess you also get hurt because that is when you start to care. When is it ok to flirt or what does it mean to have gone to far? When should someone feel hurt by the others actions? Are you crazy to suspect or are you stupid to not even think they are?

Love and life are two simple four letter words that are used so much trough out our life. "The LOVE of my LIFE" is this the main goal can someone really survive with out a soul mate or its true love. Isn't their more out their then just that. This is why we do have friends & family for them to love us also. Why is it so important to have that man or women in our life all the time, when we have so many others that care for us. If you want a child why not just adopt their are so many kids out there hungry and alone that need comfort.

Tattoo's & My life. . .

Recently I got a couple of tattoos on my right arm. It's something I always wanted since I was younger I feel its way you can express your thoughts in a more drastic way. Tattoos are permanent its not an away message that you can change your press DELETE on. So most of the time when someone gets a tattoo they have thought about that certain piece for a while. Its funny because its easier to put on then it is to take off. The process of taking off a tattoo is more painful and takes even longer. I recommend anyone thinking of getting a tattoo to look in to that. You might think twice before actually inking your body. In the end I got four pieces so far I got some Notorious B.I.G. lyrics on the inside of right arm. A quote I came up with on the side of my arm. A peace sign on my wrist. And retouched up my drag name on the side of my hand. Each have their own meaning to me and my life.
The peace sign and the lyrics are actual inspiration of Lady GaGa almost like a tribute to her. But just not the direct way like getting Lady GaGa or "monster", I think that's stupid she still is just human and really we don't even know each other. I do really enjoy her music and the way she portrays her image because at the end of the day we also don't know if that all is an act. Well she has a peace sign on her wrist and I liked it because I'm also about peace. I wish there was more peace on earth maybe a lot of this drama wouldn't be going on around all of us. Instead of getting it black though I got it red to represent AIDs awareness almost like a consent reminder for me "to rap it up".
The lyrics on the side of my upper arm are a little more personal but still GaGa inspired, she has a similar tattoo with her favorite passage. Mine is more vulgar and I guess daring but to me it makes me feel better at night no one needs to know what it says or really means. That is why I got it done in Arabic looking letters. Oh and also because that is how she has hers also lol.
The the quote I been saying it for so long and always said that I have to get that tattooed somewhere on my body. One for rights on it I did come up with and two I believe it sums up life in general. "Once you have learned it all, you have lost it all". It has two meanings behind it. It could mean that usually in life in life you die at an old age and when your old you are wise you have learned all you could. I got this from a book I read in high school. I can't seem to remember the name of the book I wish I could because it was so good but oh well. But any-who so once you are old and wise you pass away if you are lucky. Or it can also mean once you start acting like you have learned it all and know it all you are dead and will loose it all. This is when people tend to become ignorant or full of them self to self absorbed to listen to others. Now I am waiting on appointment number 3 on April 3 which is actually my 1 year 3 MONTH anniversary with my boy who we getting a joint tattoo OMG weird. And its one of my "lucky" numbers 3 maybe i will win the lotto that day.

Avatar

AAAHHHHHHHHHHH AMAZING MOVIE! I would so just write that because I can not put it into words how great that movie it was. I finally saw it this past Monday with my baboon it was our part two to our V-Day. Anyways back to the topic on hand Avatar it was such a well put together movie I can’t believe the graphics the story line and the way the actors executed their lines. Fun Fact: James Cameron had this movie written and ready to go since 1999. He wasn’t able to record the movie because budget issues and lack of advancement of CGI. I have to say I’m glad he waited it out.
The plot of the story was so beautiful it had romance and yet an edge of action in it. It didn’t just focus on the sappy love story part of it, he also brought in current events and worked it into the movie. With explosives and vulgar language all it needed was a little bit of nudity and I would have died a happy gay man LOL. I guess he wanted to keep it more PG so kids could enjoy it also. Now I know many fanatics that have seen this movie countless of times and many said they saw it both 3D and non 3D, it still was a great movie. I saw it IMAX 3D and from my personal experience I would say to spend that $17.00 and enjoy that ddaaamm movie because its going in my Top 5 Movie list.

Aids Walk May 16, 2010

On May 16, 2010 God willing the entire Daniels Family will be walking the Aids Walk together in NYC. We have set a goal of raising $1,000 at least by the time we walk this fundraiser. This will be done as a family who is compiled by Nashalee, Foxxie-Jane, Jaylin, Nickii, Jasmine, Danity, Yoly & Barnie Daniels. The week before on May 9th we are also having a Family night at Escuelita Night Club NYC. Which will just showcase our talent and also hard work we put into raising the money for the Aids Walk. I came up with a system, that I hope, should push the younger ones to raise more money. For the Daniels night it wont be like the new trend [ A Benefit Show ]. Who ever raises $100 or more for the Aids Walk, they will be able to keep their tips for the night. Those who do not raise enough money will use their tips to buy a bunch of M.A.C. Viva Glam Lipsticks, which all proceeds are donated to the M.A.C. Aids fund.

I came up with this idea out of no where I feel like us as young gay Americas we should be doing more for our community. We actually have the freedom and accessibility to help those who are in need and come from almost a similar lifestyle like us. When you look around the world you see such ignorance and rage when it comes towards the LGBT community and us as Americans take it for granted. I think especially New Yorkers because even in our own country discrimination is still going on against us.

Which is pretty stupid I know maybe sometimes us “gays” may act out immaturely or just plain crazy. But people are just judging us on something we do like 3 hours at most out of the day. Our main difference from the rest of the “normal” world is we have sex or sexual arousal from the same sex. Other then that our worlds aren’t that different. Well maybe the drag queen and transsexual thing but hey let a bitch rock. Can people really feel the need to put us down and hurt us for an action that we don’t do on a daily basis?!

I feel as that if the gay community was more accepted from when we are young and we are allowed to let explore our own sexuality STD’s wouldn’t be as high. We are suppressed for so many years that once we get the chance to let loose we go crazy. Its like putting a dog in a cage most of its life ones you let it out to play in that big backyard he runs out mad and tries to enjoy all that he has been waiting to enjoy.

Well with all that said please any contribution will help, check out my page to make a donation it is going to a great cause. If you are not able to do so through the website please contact me directly at bamboo.texture@gmail.com with the subject title AIDS WALK.

Donate Here

Brittanya Michelle Daniels

As a person she is the complete opposite of who I am as a person right now in life. . .many will say she is who I used to be. Funny outgoing ambitious courageous. . .That is why I will always considered her my sister. Never as a whole we are like day & night in opposite sides of the spectrum. . .

When I first started with the whole illusion she was Michelle. Later she evolved into Kimberly who became more courageous Kiara. I then thought about what the named invoked and noticed she isn’t anything like me way to different. That’s when I tried a softer name ARIA. I was pretty happy with the name, but then I seen Brittanya. Now I’m not a big fan of naming people because of the person. Like naming myself Beyonce because I think it would make me more sicking. But Brittanya was different she had an edge, tattoos attitude but still a with feminine daminar.  So now with a name in place well first name that is I felt I needed a last name. I was in somewhat from jumping from gay mother to gay mother and I didn’t like how I was going about it. Until one day I thought that maybe I really don’t need a gay mother or someone’s last name. I felt like I can put myself together myself and keep this new persona up all by myself.

Now it took me so many first names I wondered how many last name I will go through. That will have to be a no no. while surfing MySpace I came across another drag who was actually using her [ male ] middle name as her last name. Hmm now my middle name is Daniel, Brittanya Daniel hhmmm not sure then both [ migguelii & Bri ] favorite drink is Jack Daniels why not just throw an S at the end. –dances. I was so close now I got my First and Last name now it wasn’t until recently that Michelle popped into my head. I love Brittanya but I also felt some attachment to the name Michelle so I thought well hey I am Dominican why not have a middle name also. So that’s how the birth of my drag alter ego came about Brittanya Michelle Daniels. People still make fun of me by saying I need to stick to my name because she has a couple of nick names. Her tag is BriAmore<3 which I got tattooed on the side of my RIGHT hand. Of course also just Bri or Ms. Daniels if your nasty =P

Now I know many people think it’s completely retarded how I separate Bri and migguelii. I really consider her my sister my gay kids call her auntie and all the what nots. I just truly feel she is my escape and when I’m her there’s never anything of migguelii there. She is the type to stop and think and still find a way to enjoy life. She’s relaxed and humble. Energetic and funny always up for new things. It’s almost how when I get drunk but when she comes out she never needs a drink to really enjoy her life.

A vampire's life is a drag.

So earlier this week I went to the movies w| my baboon [ J.Anthony ] and saw Daybreakers. Pretty good movie I didn't enjoy how they made the volume so loud. To me it seemed that they were trying so hard to scare you like they didn't have enough of the trill factor to do it on its own. Then the story line was really good but the execution part of it was very BLEH. They seemed to be missing a lot of scenes and added just extra unnecessary scenes. Also the editing part of the movie was very amateur. Overall I would advise you guys to wait for the the DVD if you like vamp movies. I am a big fan of the vamp situation and I am loving the whole twists that people are bringing into these recent movies. Hopefully they don't go to over board w| it.

Currently I am in the middle of writing my very own vamp novel. To me I'm so intrigued by the way they live and run there life. I guess because being a gay man and not being excepted by society I can some what relate to them. They never really are excepted in the end and when outsiders come in to the scene its just for a tease.

In other news Drag Race starts very very soon. -dances. . .I can't wait of course me being a drag [ BriAmore ] and all I live for all these kind of shows. One of our Quote on Quote New York Drags are on their [ Sahara D. ] hey i feel personally that her girlfriend [ Manila ] would have been a way better candidate but whatever. I have noticed that everything is about money ratings and sex, especially when it means gay men SEX is a big part of production. But let's see who wins this season hopefully the right candidate because last season Nina Flowers was robbed from her title. Hey Rupaul is black she needs her girls to be top #1. -covers mouth like Mary J Blidge on American Idol. . ."Did I say that out loud".

Dear mom,

I love you w| all my heart, but I can't become you. I have to watch you now to know what not to do. Its been so long since I seen you and the last time I saw you my mind was in a different mentality. Now i see what wrongs you have thought me, my jealousy, bad judgment, and bitterness. You have been a great mom to over come all that you have but I just can't become you. I don't seem to understand why you do the things you do at time because they are the same things I do. Is it because your mom did to you also? I find myself in the same situations and mad about all the same things you get mad about. It frustrates me now to think that it was because of you that i missed or messed up so many good relationship like you have done. . .

It is true what they say about the apple never falls from the tree.

Sary Gays ::back click:: Spell Check

So it is something that i have dealt w| since a child. I don't know if it was the lack of parental guidance or just my laziness now when I'm a young adult. Since i been a little boy i always had trouble w| spelling and grammar its the weirdest thing because all my English teachers said it i can write a great story but when it came to the spelling i sucked. Its all also a big excuse in my part because I could take the chance out and check my spelling I just don't see the need to especially when it comes to MY thoughts. It hasn't ever frustrated or embarrassed me this issue I guess its because i know many others out their have the same issue.

Its pretty funny also because I just noticed its the A's and E's I'm messing up. Does that mean something? Like psychological or something LOL. "Because everyone made fun of my big apple when young now I resent the letters A & E". OH! A&E maybe its the crappy clothing from American Eagle that I just don't like hahaha I don't know. All i can say is i apologize in advance everyone bare w| me. And I don't mind the criticism I actually encourage it I like the help. . .


Sorry Guys I'll back click more often and watch out for the words.

Internet job hunt

So i been unemployed and collecting for a while now amd i been searching for a job. My boyfriend has found a couple good sites and one of them had a little contest going on. It was calle the worst first day. I entered the contest and wrote a mini paragraph about my worst first day.

" Well my worst first day was actually my fault and it was at Bare Esentials. It was a position for a make up artist i needed a job so i took it and just lied on the application and said ive done make up in weedings. I was only 17 i did not know better. It came down to do the make up i started off with a foundation color to light on the lady. Then i went on to apply a bright blue on the lid w heavy fucia pink cheeks. She then asked for a nice highlighter color. So i went behind the counter and got her a real highlighter. My trainer busted out laughing and diffused the situation befor the client could look. Now i got my experience and became a professional make up artist. "

its so funny i havent thought about that in a while because it wasso log ago. And its crazy to think that, that is how my love for make up started. I just wanted to share that ;]